“You’re Polyamorous? What If Your Partner Leaves?”

“You’re polyamorous? Aren’t you afraid your partner will leave you?”

Why would my partner leave a good relationship? As long as our relationship is happy, healthy, and strong, they would have absolutely no reason to leave me unless we became incompatible as partners. The whole point of polyamory is we are literally free to date other people without having to give up what we have. That’s what makes it so wonderful and freeing! Leaving your partner because you found someone “better” to trade up is just serial monogamy. That’s not what this is.

And if, in future, my partner did want to leave…so what? Why would I stop them?

I deserve someone who does want to be with me, and values me as a partner. If they don’t see my value, I don’t want them either. I want my partner to actively choose me, not feel obligated to stay. I don’t own my partner, and I don’t want to deprive them of experiences that make them feel fulfilled. If my partner isn’t happy with me anymore, who am I to stand in the way of their happiness with someone else? Who am I to control their desires? It’s not up to me.

The scariest thing about polyamory is that it exposes all the cracks in your relationship. That’s why it’s so important to have a strong and healthy bond, and why people who open up because they’re trying to fix a bad relationship are doomed to fail.

And even then, my partners and I may not always be compatible. People grow and change, and sometimes they do so in different directions. If a relationship ends, it ends, and that’s okay. At the end of the day, I just want the people I love to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.

*This post was originally a Twitter thread. You can find it here.