Polyamory Resource List

last updated: November 2020

Here is a list of resources that I have found helpful on my own ENM journey since I began it in 2016. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I hope that you find them useful.

BOOKS

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fern - this groundbreaking book, which deals with attachment theory as it pertains to non-monogamous relationships, is the first of its kind. A definite must-read.

The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton - this is more about ethical non-monogamy rather than polyamory, but a lot of the advice is directly applicable either way. It has a lot of helpful advice on conducting multiple sexual/romantic connections, owning your sexuality, and even group sex etiquette.

Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola - another helpful guide that breaks down the types of open relationships you can have and which one is best for you according to your needs, an in-depth explanation on the origins of jealousy and how to manage it, and even how to deal with being a “secondary partner” if you end up in a hierarchical arrangement.

The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival by Kathy Labriola - in my own personal opinion, I feel this is one of the most valuable polyamory books out there. This book has plenty of advice on how to deal with the fallout of a breakup with one partner while maintaining relationships with other partners, but I feel the most fantastic advice in this book is on how to pick compatible partners to avoid messy breakups in the first place. It delves deep into the causes of breakups, communication issues and how they arise, and has a lot of preventative strategies that will save you a lot of strife before you even begin to embark upon a new relationship.

The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola - an absolute goldmine of a book. It looks like the kind of kitschy workbook you had at school and contains a number of exercises for you to complete on your own on how to manage and combat your jealousy.

More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert - a very comprehensive introduction to polyamorous relationships, how to combat jealousy and insecurity, handling communication between multiple partners and metamours (your partner’s partners), sexual health, and so on. This is basically the most recommended poly 101 textbook and is geared towards couples to read together. However, this comes with two major caveats: firstly, the book can be quite disparaging of monogamy in a very unnecessary way at times, so please take that with a pinch of salt. Secondly, it has come to light that one of the co-authors, Franklin Veaux, abused Eve Rickert and a number of other women. More information on that can be found here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/

When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous: Understanding Poly People and Relationships by Dr. Elisabeth Scheff - a very, very short pamphlet which serves as a basic introduction to polyamory for complete and total newbies. It clears up a lot of misconceptions about what polyamory is and answers questions about what it looks like long-term, various statistics on being polyamorous while having children, etc. I used this to come out to my parents.

Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities by Kevin A Patterson - a great collection of first-person perspectives on the intersection of race and alternative communities, which also includes a guide on how to make your spaces safer and more inclusive to people of all racial identities.

Playing Fair by Pepper Mint - this book is specifically geared towards polyamorous men who are attracted to women. It discusses gender dynamics in polyamory, how to unlearn toxic masculinity habits, and how to be a supportive ally to women and basically be a responsible person.

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel - while this book is not directly related to non-monogamy, it does dive a lot into the history of monogamy. There are a lot of very quotable lines in this book, the most famous one being, "Monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now, it means one person at a time."

Building Open Relationships: Your Hands-On Guide to Swinging, Polyamory, and Beyond! by Liz Powell

Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships by Mark A Michaels and Patricia Johnson

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall P Rosenberg and Deepak Chopra

The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love by Dedeker Winston

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha

OTHER RESOURCES

Poly.Land - a great blog with insightful articles by polymath Page Turner.

Non-Monogamy Help - a podcast and blog by Lola Phoenix that contains some great advice.

The Multiamory Podcast - an absolute must-listen. The hosts are hilarious and informative, and there are 200+ episodes (at time of writing) covering a range of topics.

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My Journey Into Polyamory